I'm the type of person who gives money to people begging at underpasses. I'm the type of person who buys birthday presents for my friends and my friends' kids even when I barely have enough money to pay my own bills. I'm the type of person who will go out of my way to see or help a friend, no questions asked. And I promise I'm not just trying to toot my own horn; I can name a handful of people right off the top of my head who are the same way. I think some people are just naturally inclined to give, give, give - even when it's detrimental to themselves.
In all honesty, it's exhausting. Rewarding, sure, but exhausting - especially during the holidays. If you read my latest post (find it here), you probably can tell that after this past holiday season, I am, indeed, exhausted. And I also feel a little bit empty. To be fair, this isn't just because of the holidays - probably not even mostly because of the holidays. You all know that I'm in the market for a new job and have been for a while now. You can probably guess that I'm under some financial stress. I also totaled my car in mid-December; I swerved so that I wouldn't hit a car whose driver had turned halfway out into the road and then stopped in my direct path. I also spent my first Christmas away from my family and my dogs, as I went to New Orleans with my boyfriend and his family. I really enjoyed exploring a new city with people I love, but I did miss being home for Christmas.
Celebrating the New Year is always refreshing, because it represents new beginnings. It gives us a chance to start fresh and leave all the junk from the past year behind. And even if you're not necessarily big on New Year's resolutions per se, we all have hopes and expectations for what lies ahead. But it can be hard to really throw yourself into making those things come to fruition when you just feel like you have nothing left to give.
That's where I am this January. I have several New Year's resolutions; resolutions that I'm sure I've had more than once before - resolutions I'm sure that everyone has had more than once before, actually: better health, better finances, travel more, etc.
I was thinking about the word resolution earlier, and how it stems from the word resolve and resolute. According to Google, resolve means "firm determination to do something," and resolute means "unwavering." So it's kind of ironic that we make New Years' RESOLUTIONS knowing we probably won't keep them. But that's not what I want for myself this year - I want to keep my resolutions. I need to. I mean, Im 25 years old; if not now, then when? I practically have one foot in the grave already! But if there's one thing I'm lacking at this moment, it's resolve. And it's because I'm empty. I think. I could also just be a very undetermined person in general, but well...that's not going to be easily solved in one blog post, is it? Tack onto that lack of resolve the noise of the holiday aftermath and hearing everyone else's Resolutions and the uptick in annoying social media posts, and you might as well just give up now.
Anyway, I came up with a way to kind of "pause" my resolutions...
I'm calling January my "Free Trial" month. I got it from a meme. And like any other obviously brilliant millennial would do, I gleaned great wisdom from that meme. I figured that if there is going to be any hope of me following through with my Resolutions, then I have to be able to give my all to them. So I'm taking this month to refill myself - to recover - to reflect. In other words, to get my shit together. And I know the month is halfway over, but if you find yourself in a similar position, I would encourage you to also take the rest of this month to focus on yourself for a little while. Okay, now don't be a greedy beeyotch, but let yourself have the time you need to figure out what you want and just exactly how you are going to attain it. Tune everyone else out, and for once, hear your needs and wants. I think it'll help us stick to our Resolutions once 2018 really starts in February, don't you?
In all honesty, it's exhausting. Rewarding, sure, but exhausting - especially during the holidays. If you read my latest post (find it here), you probably can tell that after this past holiday season, I am, indeed, exhausted. And I also feel a little bit empty. To be fair, this isn't just because of the holidays - probably not even mostly because of the holidays. You all know that I'm in the market for a new job and have been for a while now. You can probably guess that I'm under some financial stress. I also totaled my car in mid-December; I swerved so that I wouldn't hit a car whose driver had turned halfway out into the road and then stopped in my direct path. I also spent my first Christmas away from my family and my dogs, as I went to New Orleans with my boyfriend and his family. I really enjoyed exploring a new city with people I love, but I did miss being home for Christmas.
Celebrating the New Year is always refreshing, because it represents new beginnings. It gives us a chance to start fresh and leave all the junk from the past year behind. And even if you're not necessarily big on New Year's resolutions per se, we all have hopes and expectations for what lies ahead. But it can be hard to really throw yourself into making those things come to fruition when you just feel like you have nothing left to give.
That's where I am this January. I have several New Year's resolutions; resolutions that I'm sure I've had more than once before - resolutions I'm sure that everyone has had more than once before, actually: better health, better finances, travel more, etc.
I was thinking about the word resolution earlier, and how it stems from the word resolve and resolute. According to Google, resolve means "firm determination to do something," and resolute means "unwavering." So it's kind of ironic that we make New Years' RESOLUTIONS knowing we probably won't keep them. But that's not what I want for myself this year - I want to keep my resolutions. I need to. I mean, Im 25 years old; if not now, then when? I practically have one foot in the grave already! But if there's one thing I'm lacking at this moment, it's resolve. And it's because I'm empty. I think. I could also just be a very undetermined person in general, but well...that's not going to be easily solved in one blog post, is it? Tack onto that lack of resolve the noise of the holiday aftermath and hearing everyone else's Resolutions and the uptick in annoying social media posts, and you might as well just give up now.
Anyway, I came up with a way to kind of "pause" my resolutions...
I'm calling January my "Free Trial" month. I got it from a meme. And like any other obviously brilliant millennial would do, I gleaned great wisdom from that meme. I figured that if there is going to be any hope of me following through with my Resolutions, then I have to be able to give my all to them. So I'm taking this month to refill myself - to recover - to reflect. In other words, to get my shit together. And I know the month is halfway over, but if you find yourself in a similar position, I would encourage you to also take the rest of this month to focus on yourself for a little while. Okay, now don't be a greedy beeyotch, but let yourself have the time you need to figure out what you want and just exactly how you are going to attain it. Tune everyone else out, and for once, hear your needs and wants. I think it'll help us stick to our Resolutions once 2018 really starts in February, don't you?
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