Let me just tell you this. In my mind, everything is going to shit. Granted, this is a typical day in my life, but this is like on another level. Everything is being canceled. Places are shutting down. I am terrified that I will be all alone. I am terrified that people I love will get sick or worse. I am frustrated that events I have been looking forward to all year are canceled. Plus I’m a huge hypochondriac, and shortness of breath is common for me, due to my anxiety, but of course I’m now wondering if it’s something more (which gives me more anxiety).
For people who suffer with depression and anxiety, normal,
everyday occurrences often become enormous challenges. Daily functioning is
interrupted by seemingly small inconveniences, and every negative event, no
matter how minor, replays in your mind again and again. And when tragedy
strikes – anywhere in the world – people who struggle with depression and
anxiety are often paralyzed regardless of whether or not the tragedy personally
affects them or anyone they know. They cannot focus, they cannot relax, they
are overwhelmed. They are crying themselves to sleep at night. If they can
sleep.
If you have experienced a tragedy or trauma as so many of us
have (especially in Oklahoma – we have been through the ringer over the past 25
years), you probably relate to this. What you may not understand is why someone
who hasn’t directly experienced it is
feeling it so much. It’s hard to
explain, but the hallmark of both depression and anxiety is hopelessness. With
depression and anxiety, there is no light at the end of the tunnel – for any of
us. The voice of depression whispers, Why
do you even want to live? What is the point? Nothing really matters anyway.
There is no justice in this world. There will never be peace. The voice of
anxiety says, You will never be good
enough. You will never make anything better. You may feel good today, but you
won’t tomorrow. Everyone you love will be hurt eventually, and there’s nothing
you can do to stop it. And really, you’re probably the one who is hurting them.
It seems that people are in one of two camps when it comes
to COVID-19: lax and annoyed at the panic; or panicked and angry at the apathy.
I don’t care where you stand. I can see both sides. You may advise your loved
ones who are experiencing heightened anxiety to stay off Facebook or don’t
watch the news or just don’t believe the hype. But we have to work. We have to
check our emails. I’ve gotten at least 3 emails today regarding COVID-19. Also,
personally, I find comfort in funny Instagram and Facebook posts. However, the
mixed messages are damaging. My first and foremost goal in posting anything
related to mental health is always to let people know that they are not alone.
If you feel anything like what I’ve described in this post, you are not weird
or crazy or overreacting. Your body is imbalanced, most likely due to trauma
you’ve experienced or that your ancestors have experienced (look up epigenetics and historical trauma). If you need someone to talk to or to listen, I
am here, and I can round up other people who will be there for you too.
In this situation, however, I do want to make some
suggestions in consideration of people who are really struggling with stress of
this situation: I would ask that 1) unless you are a medical or public
health professional, that you don’t give advice during this time OR that you at least cite your advice (like, where you read or heard it). I would ask
that 2) you not re-post articles or posts from illegitimate news and medical
sources. I would also ask that 3) you don’t accuse or insult people who don’t
agree with you, because it really only does more harm. These are things that I
think may help your friends and loved ones who are struggling in the way that I
am. Even if you don’t quite get it, I just ask you to take in what I’ve said
and to try to be considerate. The more that we work together, the stronger we’ll
be.
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