Have you ever been mad at God? Like, just pissed off? Or just frustrated, because absolutely nothing made sense? Or maybe you weren't exactly mad, but maybe you've had days where you've wondered...Where are You? Maybe you cried, maybe you sobbed.
GOD WHERE ARE YOU??????
Or maybe you laughed. You just thought to yourself, "Of course this would happen. Of course my life would go like this." Like, you had a good attitude, but just a little bit of bitterness that you got ditched again. You got passed up for the promotion again. You hoped and prayed and believed for a small miracle - or a big one - and it didn't happen...again.
If you're telling yourself that none of the above have ever occurred to you, well...you're a liar. Yeah, I'm calling you out. In the most non-judgmental, most empathetic way, I am here to say that you are lying to yourself and everyone else if you say that you have never wondered in some way or another... "Where were you, God?"
We all wear/hide that question differently.
Some of us grasp onto it so tightly; we really internalize the question Where is God? We let it affect every part of our lives, from our innermost spiritual thoughts and beliefs to our best friendships to the way we view movies, music, nature, culture. We become skeptical, cynical. I've been there.
Some of us get angry. We get bitter. We believe in God, we go to church, we serve, we read our Bibles (or more often, quote them on Facebook and in deep conversations where people are probably not actually seeking our advice). But we are angry. We are hateful. We don't wish peace upon others, because we don't feel it ourselves. I've been there.
Some of us are optimistic. We tell ourselves it'll all work out for the best. We brush off the wrong that people have done us. We keep going. We're exhausted. When we lie in bed at night, a small voice asks, "God, are you even listening? Do you even care?" But we don't ever tell anyone that. We're always there when they need us, with a word of encouragement and a lot of love. I've been there.
I've been following the story of Caleb Freeman, a 16 year-old from Newcastle, Oklahoma, who was seriously and critically injured in a car accident in December. I had seen some stuff on Facebook around the time that it happened but honestly kind of turned a blind eye. I knew it would make me angry. I knew it would stir up some deep-seeded doubts.
About a month ago, I saw a post about the progress he's made. I was honestly surprised. I wasn't believing in God to do that. I didn't believe that God would. I started reading the Pray for Caleb Facebook page and couldn't stop. And I cried and I prayed and I cried some more. The next morning, as I was driving to work, I prayed again. I told God that I needed him to heal Caleb. I told Him that I believed He would. He had to. He has to.
And day by day, Caleb has been making progress. And Caleb is so faithful through all of this. It's incredible. I'm still asking, "God...where were you?" Where was God that December evening when this happened?
I was reading my Bible app the other day on my lunch break, and I typically just read the verse of the day and whatever chapter it's in. I like to read verses in context, and I'm so glad I read this one in its entirety. It was the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead. If you've read my blog before, you know that I grew up in church and went to a Christian school through graduating high school. I had the Bible literally shoved down my throat (okay, not literally, but I did have to write and rewrite a lot of King James passages, which may have been as effective as being force-fed the literal book). So I knew about Lazarus. Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. It was the greatest miracle Jesus ever performed, short of His own resurrection. That was not the part of the story that moved me...at all.
I think being raised in the Christian bubble is both extremely beneficial but also detrimental to a person, and one of the reasons is that we become desensitized to the wonder of who God is and who Jesus was on this earth. I mean, He raised a guy from the straight up DEAD, and reading about/remembering that did not move me! And I think it didn't move me, because I've just always kind of accepted and believed that God is big enough to do things like that. Or at least, He was. To me, it's just a story. I've never seen someone raised from the dead. I've heard that story since I was little - like Cinderella or Jack and the Beanstalk. Those stories don't move me, because they don't resonate with me - with my spirit.
Here's what resonated with my spirit when I was reading about Lazarus. Jesus knew that Lazarus was sick, okay? He could have traveled immediately to Lazarus and healed him when he was sick. Jesus had done that a bajillion times. No big deal. ...But He didn't. He hung around where he was for a few days, and then He went to where Lazarus was... dead. Lazarus had died while Jesus was hanging around. Now...Jesus knew what God was going to do. He was not one bit worried or perturbed.
But when He got to where Lazarus was buried, Lazarus's sisters, who were naturally in deep pain and grief, said this: "Lord, if you had been here...my brother would not have died." (John 11:21, 32). They both said that. Lord...if only you had been here.
That was what resonated with my spirit - that response. Because, how many times have we thought something like that? LORD...IF YOU HAD JUST BEEN HERE. GOD, WHERE WERE YOU? JESUS, ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?
Keep in mind that Jesus knew what was going to happen. This is who Jesus is. His response to that? He wept. This is the simplest verse in the Bible: "Jesus wept." John 11:35. Jesus knew what was about to happen and still, he felt where Mary and Martha were coming from. He got their pain.
That resonated with my spirit. That Jesus took the time to feel their pain. He could have told them to stop crying. He could have rolled His eyes. He could have rebuked them for their faithlessness. HE FREAKING WEPT.
That is who God is. That in the midst of what God was planning - one of the greatest miracles in the Bible - He took the time to listen to His people and grieve with them.
And then... He raised a man from the dead. Now, pay attention to this. IF Jesus HAD been there - if He had gotten there a few days earlier - He could have and probably would have healed Lazarus. But because He waited just a few days (although they probably felt like years to Mary and Martha), He performed one of the greatest miracles on earth.
And I thought to myself, Christine, what if, while you are questioning God, while you are doubting, worrying, fearing...God is waiting just a few more days to perform the greatest miracle of your life? Not abandoning you, not ignoring you...very much weeping with you. But all the while, planning something greater than you could ever imagine...
Just because we don't see Him, does not mean He is not here. Just because we don't feel it, doesn't mean He's not working.
GOD WHERE ARE YOU??????
Or maybe you laughed. You just thought to yourself, "Of course this would happen. Of course my life would go like this." Like, you had a good attitude, but just a little bit of bitterness that you got ditched again. You got passed up for the promotion again. You hoped and prayed and believed for a small miracle - or a big one - and it didn't happen...again.
If you're telling yourself that none of the above have ever occurred to you, well...you're a liar. Yeah, I'm calling you out. In the most non-judgmental, most empathetic way, I am here to say that you are lying to yourself and everyone else if you say that you have never wondered in some way or another... "Where were you, God?"
We all wear/hide that question differently.
Some of us grasp onto it so tightly; we really internalize the question Where is God? We let it affect every part of our lives, from our innermost spiritual thoughts and beliefs to our best friendships to the way we view movies, music, nature, culture. We become skeptical, cynical. I've been there.
Some of us get angry. We get bitter. We believe in God, we go to church, we serve, we read our Bibles (or more often, quote them on Facebook and in deep conversations where people are probably not actually seeking our advice). But we are angry. We are hateful. We don't wish peace upon others, because we don't feel it ourselves. I've been there.
Some of us are optimistic. We tell ourselves it'll all work out for the best. We brush off the wrong that people have done us. We keep going. We're exhausted. When we lie in bed at night, a small voice asks, "God, are you even listening? Do you even care?" But we don't ever tell anyone that. We're always there when they need us, with a word of encouragement and a lot of love. I've been there.
I've been following the story of Caleb Freeman, a 16 year-old from Newcastle, Oklahoma, who was seriously and critically injured in a car accident in December. I had seen some stuff on Facebook around the time that it happened but honestly kind of turned a blind eye. I knew it would make me angry. I knew it would stir up some deep-seeded doubts.
About a month ago, I saw a post about the progress he's made. I was honestly surprised. I wasn't believing in God to do that. I didn't believe that God would. I started reading the Pray for Caleb Facebook page and couldn't stop. And I cried and I prayed and I cried some more. The next morning, as I was driving to work, I prayed again. I told God that I needed him to heal Caleb. I told Him that I believed He would. He had to. He has to.
And day by day, Caleb has been making progress. And Caleb is so faithful through all of this. It's incredible. I'm still asking, "God...where were you?" Where was God that December evening when this happened?
I was reading my Bible app the other day on my lunch break, and I typically just read the verse of the day and whatever chapter it's in. I like to read verses in context, and I'm so glad I read this one in its entirety. It was the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead. If you've read my blog before, you know that I grew up in church and went to a Christian school through graduating high school. I had the Bible literally shoved down my throat (okay, not literally, but I did have to write and rewrite a lot of King James passages, which may have been as effective as being force-fed the literal book). So I knew about Lazarus. Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. It was the greatest miracle Jesus ever performed, short of His own resurrection. That was not the part of the story that moved me...at all.
I think being raised in the Christian bubble is both extremely beneficial but also detrimental to a person, and one of the reasons is that we become desensitized to the wonder of who God is and who Jesus was on this earth. I mean, He raised a guy from the straight up DEAD, and reading about/remembering that did not move me! And I think it didn't move me, because I've just always kind of accepted and believed that God is big enough to do things like that. Or at least, He was. To me, it's just a story. I've never seen someone raised from the dead. I've heard that story since I was little - like Cinderella or Jack and the Beanstalk. Those stories don't move me, because they don't resonate with me - with my spirit.
Here's what resonated with my spirit when I was reading about Lazarus. Jesus knew that Lazarus was sick, okay? He could have traveled immediately to Lazarus and healed him when he was sick. Jesus had done that a bajillion times. No big deal. ...But He didn't. He hung around where he was for a few days, and then He went to where Lazarus was... dead. Lazarus had died while Jesus was hanging around. Now...Jesus knew what God was going to do. He was not one bit worried or perturbed.
But when He got to where Lazarus was buried, Lazarus's sisters, who were naturally in deep pain and grief, said this: "Lord, if you had been here...my brother would not have died." (John 11:21, 32). They both said that. Lord...if only you had been here.
That was what resonated with my spirit - that response. Because, how many times have we thought something like that? LORD...IF YOU HAD JUST BEEN HERE. GOD, WHERE WERE YOU? JESUS, ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING?
Keep in mind that Jesus knew what was going to happen. This is who Jesus is. His response to that? He wept. This is the simplest verse in the Bible: "Jesus wept." John 11:35. Jesus knew what was about to happen and still, he felt where Mary and Martha were coming from. He got their pain.
That resonated with my spirit. That Jesus took the time to feel their pain. He could have told them to stop crying. He could have rolled His eyes. He could have rebuked them for their faithlessness. HE FREAKING WEPT.
That is who God is. That in the midst of what God was planning - one of the greatest miracles in the Bible - He took the time to listen to His people and grieve with them.
And then... He raised a man from the dead. Now, pay attention to this. IF Jesus HAD been there - if He had gotten there a few days earlier - He could have and probably would have healed Lazarus. But because He waited just a few days (although they probably felt like years to Mary and Martha), He performed one of the greatest miracles on earth.
And I thought to myself, Christine, what if, while you are questioning God, while you are doubting, worrying, fearing...God is waiting just a few more days to perform the greatest miracle of your life? Not abandoning you, not ignoring you...very much weeping with you. But all the while, planning something greater than you could ever imagine...
Just because we don't see Him, does not mean He is not here. Just because we don't feel it, doesn't mean He's not working.
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