Dating is Dead

Listen up, ladies and gentleman. If you're single, and you feel like you're ready to mingle - like, you're ready to meet someone with whom you can spend quality time and really get to know and do things together... well, honestly, there's no hope for you.

Let me explain.

You want to go on a date? Maybe a nice dinner and a movie? Maybe something more recreational like putt-putt or bowling? How about a sporting event or a concert?

TOO BAD. This is what you get instead:

This is my question, boys. Am I supposed to be impressed by this? Is this supposed to make me feel special? Like you're really interested in me? Because I really am wanting to feel at least a little bit special. I think most of us are. At least for the first few dates, I mean COME ON. And you know, we all deserve that - I mean, I know I do. And I mean, it's really not that hard - just give me food and listen to me, for the love. 

In almost no ways am I old-fashioned. I would hardly use the words conservative or traditional to describe myself. But in my old age, I find myself longing for the days when a guy would ask a girl on a date, pick her up from her house, take her out somewhere fun, and then drop her off and just go home. I think there are a lot of reasons that this is not the norm anymore. 

First of all, there are safety issues. It's scary to be alone with someone you don't really know. There is honestly a good chance you will be murdered - and not in a nice way. You will definitely probably be dragged out into the woods and left in pieces. 

Second of all, we're all offended by everything, so there's also a good chance that someone will be uncomfortable with letting the other person pay. (That's a mind boggler for me, especially living in Oklahoma. I have to really think, like, Is this guy a real southern gentleman who will get his chaps in a wad if I offer to go half-and-half? Or is he like that one guy I met for dinner, who ordered a water, and then very half-heartedly offered to pay for my pizza that I ate by myself? - I paid for it by the way, which was a MISTAKE as that's time I can never get back, worth well more than my dinner for one). 

Thirdly, young adults and teenagers are paralyzed by commitment these days. (It's called FOMO, look it up.) Which makes it really hard for those of us who are content on settling for a less-than-average life partner in order to just avoid all of this nonsense.

Honestly, if I get asked out to a bar ONE MORE TIME, I am becoming a nun. And I've already considered it anyway, because Facebook suggested it to me a few weeks ago: